Now What, Mrs. Oakes?

It's been about a month since the big "I Do's" and I've been finding myself thinking more each day "Now What?" It's a curious thing. I had no idea how much of my life and thoughts had been fixated with "Should I stay? Should I not? Do I like it here? Can I live here? Taking it all in - in case I was leaving - finding coping techniques to not miss my family so much....etc, etc, etc." Without realizing it, I had become truly consumed by it. It was who I was - I was the "transitioning girl"...the girl from Texas who found herself in Connecticut.

Now that the decision has been made and all has been finalized, David can go ahead and check the "got the girl box" and move on to the next thing. But for all my big thoughts and even bigger talks, I've come to realized that I have built very little of a life here outside of work and home. Few hobbies, even fewer friends, family far away...it hit me hard and hit me fast.

My new name arrived last week on a social security card. I stood in line for a few hours on Saturday morning to have it changed again on my license and car registration But as I boxed up the very last of my kitchen things and left the keys on the apartment cabinet on Saturday, a panic of sorts set in. The tears welled up and the emotions flowed and I realized that yet another chapter in my life had closed and a new one was opening and I got scared! Real scared. What had I done? It wasn't just "talk" anymore. It wasn't an "idea" or a "day in the future". It was now and it was here. And yes, I love David and yes, all will be fine. Better than fine. A new happy life awaits...but not without more work on my part. I'm the one responsible for building this new life for myself. The relationships will take time and effort and energy.....they will come in time....but I needed a quick fix.....something fast, something now.

"What would I have done in Dallas?" I asked myself. Fortunately the weather is starting to warm up (its was close to 70 this weekend!) so I have decided to get out and walking again. Went Sunday afternoon and soaked up the sun....got the blisters on the back of my heels to prove it! Since it's getting darker later, it may a habit I can start up after work. One thing down: I'm a walker.

I am also a reader, so this weekend I read a whole book! I don't know if I've read a whole book since I've moved up here! I'm a slow reader and it takes quite a bit of time for me to read as I savor each word in my head as I'm reading - soaking it in and becoming the character I most identify with. I pulled out my red blanket (the one I used to take to the park in Plano to read on) and sat out and read chapter after chapter: Whistlin' Dixie in a Nor'easter by Lisa Patton. Great title or what? It's a book that Nancy read and she made me want to read it. It's about a woman from Tennessee who moves with her husband to open an inn in Vermont much to her dismay. It was his dream, not hers to live in VT and the way she views everything is priceless!! The old homes, the small rooms, mud season, the snow, moose crossing signs, no pizza delivery, space heaters and fireplaces in every room, no one in heels and everyone in ugly, weather-appropriate boots....I loved every word! She hates everything at first and slowly comes to appreciate their ways. I could identify. I want to read the Chronicles of Narnia this summer. I've read the first one MANY times and bits and pieces of the others, but never all of them all the way through. Easy, fun summer reading I say.

As Monday morning has rolled around and a new week is starting I've gone from saying goodbye to Kimberly Singleton and find myself beginning to say "Now what, Mrs. Oakes?"