Food Is Love

"One can say everything best over a meal." - George Eliot

Someone asked me a question: “Tell me about a meal(s) that you have had that has become a great memory for you.” WOW….I could write a book on that topic! I’d hardly know where to begin.

You see, I don’t have expensive clothes, shoes or purses. I don’t have a fancy car or albums of photos from all the places I have traveled throughout the world. I don’t have expensive “art” or “knick knacks” around the house. I get my haircut a couple times a year and glue cheap plastic nails on my hands. I only use products they sell at Wal-Mart from Suave to Bic to Maybelline and I only have perfume because my Mom is kind enough to buy it for me at Christmas or on birthdays. I’ve become the girl who can get the last drop out of the soap bottle or the tiniest bit of lip gloss from the tube. I’m not an “expensive” girl. I don’t need much in the way of those things….and every year that goes by the less and less it seems I want or need them. (Probably much to my sweet husband’s delight and despair!) Things that break, tear, grow old or wear out aren’t of much interest to me anymore. But when it comes to meals, food and restaurant experiences I’ve dined like a queen! I have the smaller wallet and larger waistline to prove it! And I think there are several reasons why.

Food is love. I was taught that from a young age. I think it’s a product of both living in the South and growing up in my particular family. From the time I could walk my Grandmommy would take me out to the garden to pick fresh veggies and nuts and fruits from the trees. I would sit on her counter and Grandmommy and Mom would feed me oranges and tomatoes and peaches and plums….nectarines and okra and squash. They created my love of fresh vegetables and all types of fruit. I ate berries from bushes and cactus; persimmons from her tree and watermelons from the ground. I had my first goat in Brady – Grandad’s bar-be-qued bacon and venison in all sorts of variations from stew to sausage. Grandmommy and I would be out shopping all day and buy Snickers or tutti-fruiti ice cream and take it home “because we loved Grandad” and wanted him to have a “treat”. I would walk in with the ice-cream filled grocery bag – just beaming – I couldn’t wait for him to see what we had purchased just for him and see him smile.

Almost every holiday growing up was spent at my Nanny’s. Food was a ritual – a tradition. Everyone had favorites and looked for those items on the table. Sunday roasts with noodles and gravy “just for Tommy” and Mrs. Baird rolls and salad on a birthday. Thanksgiving with the giant turkey and cornbread stuffing, sweet potatoes and relish tray. Nanny’s homemade candy – martha washingtons and fudge – and the cake that Nanny made every year for Mom’s birthday because she loved her – the real Texas sheet cake with the thick fudge icing. The candies that Nanny would put in her purse that we could “sneak” at naptime when we went to work with her that made us “her special grandkids” – not just another kid at naptime.

Every party, event, meeting or get-together in the South includes food! I called my mom on the way home on the first night I went to Bible Study in Connecticut. “There wasn’t any food!” I laughed. It was weird. Bible Study 101 in the South is signing up that first night for a week to bring a snack. Women pull out their favorite cookie, bar and dip recipes and everyone ooohhhs and aaawwws over them all season long. Football watching is much better with a warm bowl of chili or a plate of nachos to snack on. Cutsie cookies or cakes for baby showers or birthday parties – making flower gardens out of fruits & veggies or finding new ways to stuff a strawberry – it’s all an expression of how much you care about the person or event being celebrated. It’s more than just “nutrition”.

It continues still. Mom, Grandmommy and I stand around and “cheer” as the newest in our line tries her “first”. She’s a good eater - she’ll try anything. We beam with pride as she thumbs up a dried okra or a slice of raw quay. We email each other with new recipes or restaurants that we need to try. We share magazines, tips and foodie television shows. Food in our family is more than calories and daily values – food is love.

Over the years, meals in restaurants have reinforced this idea. When I turned 16, I would drive to Brownwood or to Stephenville and meet Grandmommy to talk over a long lunch. Mary and I had a weekly lunch or dinner for years and years that kept our relationship close – even in those tricky, awkward teenage years. I would talk to her about things I never talked to anyone else about. Mom and I would drive two hours to find a little restaurant and have a meal - the fun was in the journey. We’d talk and laugh, fight and cry, listen and vent. We navigated the ever changing mother-daughter relationship on the way to and from and over a meal – a place we could sit and talk and look at each other – a place we could listen. Over a meal, I found out I lost a dog or decided what I wanted for my birthday. I’ve fallen in love over meals – sitting and talking for hours on end. I’ve made friends and had conversations that I will never forget over a bowl of chips and tortilla soup.

When I cook at home just for David or a whole group, it’s more than a way to satisfy hunger, it’s an expression of my love. I put the food on the table in as appetizing a way as possible to say “Eat. Enjoy, be comfortable and feel loved.”

So, yes, I do love lobster and layered chocolate cake. I’d rather have food from a gourmet chef than a diner cook. And yes, I’d rather eat in a beautiful setting with great music than a cramped stuffy place. I’m sure I’ve spent way too much on things like sea urchin and designer sushi rolls, ribeyes and lamb chops and tableside guacamole – but I think I really spend more time and money and energy on finding great spots to eat because of the memories that I collect – that will never break, tear, grow old, wear out or go out of style. Memories of people, conversations and lessons that I will always cherish.