Cooking Up Control

Since I’ve moved here I’ve really starting cooking up a storm….I mean really cooking. I think some of it started as a way to get “familiar” flavors and smells from home….cumin, beef, peppers, limes….I wanted that Mexican comfort food. I longed for those favorite treats, snacks or meals that reminded me of home. That first year I ate my weight in Mom’s taco salad! It’s easy to see that it was a longing to connect with something – someone – some place in an easy way.

But now that I’ve been here a while and if I’m being completely honest, I think cooking a meal feeds into my “need for control”. When I moved here, everything was out of my control…..everything was new. It was all an adjustment. And even now – 7 months in a new house – new spaces and adjustments. More changes and more feelings of “lack of control”. And even though they are happy changes and good times, it’s still different and change has never been my strong suit.

Thankfully, most of you reading this have no idea what it’s like to divorce and remarry at 35 and 42. That’s a good thing! But at that point you are “grown ups”, you’re “settled”, your habits and routines are well established. It’s not like you are twenty-somethings moving in as kids building a life and home together from scratch…..it’s more of a “melding” if you will. It’s harder, I think, to find your places and spaces and routines and comfortable patterns that tend to be so much easier when you are younger. Again, being completely honest, you are consciously and subconsciously fighting off the “mine and yours” – the “my way and your way” – the “how I always did it – or wanted to do it.” I think we are doing a good job and moving at a pace that is comfortable for all three of us…a slow pace…and ALL THAT BEING SAID, being in the kitchen with an onion in one hand and a knife in the other just where I’ve wanted to be…..mini creative moments of control!

We recently had some people over for dinner and one of the reoccurring comments was “you have too much time on your hands”. Perhaps. I don’t have little ones running around the house or pets to feed and walk. I don’t have a job with lots of overtime that keeps me at the office. But it’s something beyond that….it’s more than food and matching napkins and place mats. It’s a chance for my inner event planner and inner 5-year-old to get out and have a little control. Cooking is an art….a place to release all that cooped-up creativity. The colors and smells and banging and chopping….a happy place! It's like "grown up" play dough and easy bake ovens all over again!

There is a beginning and an end in a relatively small amount of time…you can see your finished product almost immediately. Whether I come home with a small bag of groceries for a quick after work meal or a trunk load full for a week’s worth of cooking on a Sunday afternoon, I don’t have to wait too long to see the results….finished plates, smiling faces and full tummies!

It’s a place where I have almost complete control and David is more than happy to be a sous-chef or sit on the couch and watch the game. A dirty kitchen floor and over-use of kitchen towels aside, he’s happy to let me do my thing…whatever it may be. I don’t have to ask, “What’s your opinion honey, more basil?” or “David, button or crimini?” It’s not like work where I sit and create my “marketing masterpiece” only to find that they want a different photo, revised text and a new color pallet. Something only a true control freak would understand…..think Monica (the professional chef) from Friends! It’s a place to chop and bang and roll and blend….It’s calming and peaceful. Tough day? Stuffed chicken breasts it is! Meat mallet to the rescue. Craving comfort? A hearty, creamy pasta! Or feeling light and carefree? Fish with lemon and olive oil. The smells are aroma therapy and the steam from a boiling pot is a facial….who needs a spa when you have a well-stocked kitchen!

So one meal after another, somewhere along the way, I’ve absolutely fallen in love with cooking! I look forward to it most days. It's rarely a chore. I've perfected my "usuals" and I'm ready to hit another level....not sure how I’m going to do it quite yet, but it’s going to be a goal for 2011. A cooking class maybe? Just more time experimenting and allowing myself to learn and fail more instead of sticking with the “safe” things I currently make. Maybe more Tyler Florence than Rachael Ray? I’m not sure, but it’s definitely on my radar for the upcoming year. Maybe just more cooking blog entries with all the failures and successes and stories. :)

To think of making a perfectly creamy risotto or a hollandaise sauce that doesn’t break. Real Mexican mole, beef wellington, coq au vin!!  Truffled ANYTHING! Oh boy!  Haley, I'll bet you'll have tips! But until those days, I'll stick with what I know, like a hearty winter pasta!

Have you had campanelle? It's my new favorite pasta!  Ruffly, trumpets of goodness! If you haven't tried it, give it a go. You need a hearty sauce though...it really holds the sauce! I made one with browned ground pork (white meat not sausage), mushrooms, onion, tomatoes, garlic, parm, lots of basil, oregano, a dash of sugar for a sweet marinara taste and of course salt & pepper....delicious!  I'm sure it would make a killer mac and cheese!