Photos That Made Me Cry....

"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion" - Truvy.

It was a quiet Tuesday night. After dinner we all went to our respective corners. Evan was in front of the tv on the first floor. David went upstairs to watch tv in the bedroom and I went down in the basement to watch The View. It wasn't particularly riveting, so I started rummaging around. I was looking through a box and I ran across this photo. I don't remember ever seeing it before. Immediately the tears swelled.

For those of you thinking "What is going on?", this was mom and I in Addison Circle out on the lawn. They have Saturday night movies in the summer after the sun goes down. Dad would pack up the chairs, blankets and cooler. Mom and I would hit Central Market for a proper picnic. We'd head down early to get a good seat on the lawn and watch the children playing in the fountains. This tradition started as a distraction from a difficult time in my life, but over the years turned into something we all really looked forward to. But that wasn't what made my eyes sting...it was those smiles! They sent me into the ugly cry. And the next thing I knew, unbeknownst to my family upstairs, I was in the middle of the floor surrounded by every photo I could find in the throws of the ugliest cry I've cried in a while. The basement was transformed to memory central:

Those of you who don't know me that well, may be thinking "oh my - the drama". Those of you who really know me, know I can go into the ugly cry over an AT&T commercial. In fact, after I was done looking through the albums and went upstairs, I found David in bed watching tv. I told him what I'd been doing and got (in a very monotone voice mind you) something to the effect of "sorry you had such drama downstairs" and then back to the tv. Gone are the days of a panicked, distraught David over a single tear running down my cheek. He's used to me now, as it should be. He lets me cry when I need to, whether he thinks it's necessary or not, without judgement. He knows which cries need comfort and which are just an emotional release for me. (For the most part.)

I love my life here. (Well, minus the cold.) Just watch the video. My blog is filled with photos of beautiful scenery, adventures big and small, smiling faces and silly stories. It's a good life. A happy life. A calm and peaceful and loving life. A life I chose. A life with David, who is more than I could have ever dreamed I'd find in a man. A good life.

But I also never want this blog to go too long without a reminder to everyone in Texas, that I love you. I miss you. My heart aches more than anyone really knows - more often and with more hurt than anyone really realizes. There's always a piece of me that's not quite right. I miss my family. I didn't know it would be this way when I first moved. I thought those feelings would lessen over time. They don't. I know how to cope with it now. I know when to stuff those feelings, when to push through them and when to let them rise to the surface and really feel them much better than I did when I first moved here. I haven't perfected it yet, but I have worked on it. It's a tricky balance. I can't mope around here whenever I feel like it. I can't walk around here "feeling those feelings" all the time. It's not healthy. It's not right. I have to put my big girl pants on and put a smile on and live my life. My good life. This life I chose. But I'd lose my mind if every once in a while I didn't let it all out. A complete breakdown. And that's exactly what I did last night. I scrunched my face and sobbed. I let it all out. I giggled and laughed as a face or a memory made me smile. I missed and I hurt and I cried and I laughed. And I want you back home to know that too. I want you to know that's not all "big girl pants". It's not all boat rides and country drives and I've forgotten my life in Texas. I know what I'm missing, and it makes me sad. I want you to know that I love you. I miss you. You are so important to me even though I am living life here. It's important to me that you know that. I need to say that too.

I also wanted to share the emotion. Here's just a few of the photos that made me cry last night, for all sorts of different reasons. Trust me, there were SO MANY more. But I thought you might get a kick out of seeing these....or if you are anything like me....have a good ugly cry over them, be grateful for them, laugh at the joy in them and then go on to have a really good day and maybe a piece of chocolate cake!

(In a learning curve, I deleted these photos and had already deleted the originals. Sorry about that. I learned my lesson though....you can't name the photos the same name. They will be replaced!)

That's about all I had time to scan this morning, but if I have the time, I'll try to scan some more. I found some old albums! Photos I hadn't seen in YEARS. I bet one box I haven't pulled out since the move. Maybe over the next few weeks I can pull some more out.