5 Years Ago....

I moved to Connecticut in July 2008, five years ago.  I can't believe it's been that long ... and it feels like it's been 20 years ... all at the same time.  It's been fun, scary, sad, life-changing, adventurous, painful, exciting, an education, lonely, frustrating, emotional and definitely memorable.  I went back and read some of my early blogs.  I had so much to write ... so much to say ... so much to share. 

 

Here's part of a blog from July 2008:

 

.... The road out of Hebron to Route 2 is a very rural road. It all looks the same to me.....trees...trees...an occasional mailbox...more trees.  When I first got here I never thought I'd get use to knowing where to turn.  A couple miles from my apartment there is a large painted eagle on a rock...I've named him Eddie.  I always knew that when I passed him in the morning I was off on another day's adventure and when I passed him in the afternoon, I was almost home. I always looked for Eddie. Those first couple of weeks, Eddie was my way to gauge where I was, and I still haven't gotten over him. I stare as long as I can at him as I pass.  I suppose one day after making that trip for the hundredth time, I won't notice him like I do now. He'll be like the corner grocery or the post office...and maybe then I'll know I'm really here...really home in CT.  But for now, he is new and interesting and different like most everything in my life these days...and it's kind of nice....moving to someplace where everything is just different enough to be fun again ....

 

It's 2013 and not only do I rarely take notice of this giant rock, I forgot I had named him all those years ago. I don't remember at what point during the last five years I stopped being amazed by this piece of art on the route, but I did. He's been painted, vandalized and painted again since then.  He's decorated with flags at certain times during the year.  His beak is covered with snow in the winter, colored leaves in the fall and the sun shines through the clouds onto him in the summer.   Eddie.

 

So many things have changed since I moved here and many things have stayed exactly the same. 

 

I still have moments when I have to catch my breath because the pain of being so far away from my family starts to overwhelm me like a fog rolling in.  I can feel it coming with the same ferocity it did five years ago. Occasionally it swallows me up, but not as often as it used to. It's hard going back as a visitor.  It's different. But I can make it all the way home now before I feel the pain and my eyes well up instead of falling apart in the airport like I used to.  And my failure as an Aunt ... well ... I can't even go there. Not even now. I can deal with some of the pain, I stuff some and I ignore some.  It's a balancing act that I've learned over the last five years.

 

I've had a lot of adventures in the last five years.  I love that Brian Andreas line ... "...moving to someplace where everything is just different enough to be fun again ..." so true. I've seen things that I never would have seen. "A picture postcard world" as my sister-in-law would say. Red barns on a brisk New England fall day .... from the quaint Berkshires to the bustling New York City. Broadway and Times Square at Christmas time. Apple picking and corn roasting in New Hampshire and boating out into the ocean with David. Beaches and lakes and water and mountains and trees ... beautiful scenery. Firewater in Providence and lobster everywhere I got a chance. I've seen snowfall that covers a car and mounds of snow as tall as buildings. I've seen bright popping fall colors and gorgeous green summers .... so unlike the summers that shrivel and brown in the Texas heat. I've seen art from artists that I never thought I would see. I've strolled through Yale and Harvard. There have been days that were so magical, it was almost like a movie scene. Oh to have a soundtrack in life,  the montages some of those days could have made. No movie could out do them. The day trips I've been able to take and the places I've been able to see are really a gift.  And I look forward to seeing so much more of the area.

 

I've made some new friends. Found a church home. I've been given a job that seems to be fairly secure, even in tough economic times.  I've been able to learn some new skills. My car is holding up and bills are getting paid. We have a roof over our heads to keep up warm in the winter and a little herb garden out back ... something I never had in Dallas. I have a husband who seems to love me, even when I'm a mess. And his family has been so kind to me. I have been blessed more than I ever deserved.

 

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” - Douglas Adams

 

I wonder if anyone looks back and says "This is EXACTLY where I intended to go. I have arrived. I am here." I have a feeling that most people have made mistakes, discoveries, changes - good and bad - that effect where they are today.  Things happen to us sometimes and sometimes it's our own mistakes or choices. I've made a lot of mistakes. Lots of failures. I've made a lot of sound decisions.  I've been a coward and I've been brave. I've been smart and I've been flat-out wrong.  But I have learned these past five years. And I am a different person than I was in 2008.

 

Thanks to the two or three of you that still hang in there and read the blog after five years. It's been so fun for me. It's like a diary that I can go back and re-read.  I can re-live certain moments through stories and pictures. It's been a good place to vent and process. It's been nice to have the chance to write to and about people in a way that I could never talk to them in person.  I've been able to let people know how I feel about them in the best way I know how to do it - writing it down.

 

Not sure what the next five years will hold, but I imagine:

 

Many things will have changed and many things will be exactly the same.