Angry Eyebrows

Grooming is a little more difficult around these parts. Not just because there aren't as many places and the hours are more limited, but because the service people here are MEAN!  I'm not kidding! In Dallas, everyone wants to look and feel pretty. There's a nail and tanning salon on every other corner to prove it.  Spas and high-end hair salons are common and accessible.  And it's the service provider's job to not only provide the desired service, but to make you walk out feeling like a million bucks.  That's part of the experience.  You want to feel PRETTY!  It seems from the experiences that I have had here in CT, the service people here want you to feel as bad as possible about yourself. It's bizarre. 

For example, my only trip to the hair salon in CT thus far resulted in a scolding from a drug-induced man about how ugly and awful and dry my hair was.  What terrible shape it was in.  How dumb it was to grow it out. I haven't been back since!  (Not up for the criticism. And I'm in desperate need of a cut now.... I'm dreading going in to see anyone!)

I've had comments on my nails...which are pretty ugly...BUT THAT'S  WHY I'M AT THE SALON IN THE FIRST PLACE, right?  That's why I'm paying you for a service...to make them look better.....not a lecture. 

Today at lunch, I decided to get a pedicure for the new summer sandal/flip-flop weather that I've been experiencing this week.  I go in and a nice lady greets  me with the standard "pick a color".  I go for Opi Koala Berry (a bright pink) get settled in the massage chair and have a perfectly relaxing pedicure.  Okay, the Elle is from March 2008, but I'm not complaining.  The water is warm and these feet haven't seen a pedicure basin since November!

Since I've had such a nice time, I decide that I should probably go ahead and get my eyebrows done too. I have an extra 15 minutes, and they are in need of some shaping up as well.  She nods and takes me to the chair in front of  a large lighted mirror. I lay back and wait....and wait...It was probably only 2-3 minutes, but it felt like 10-15.  Then another lady comes up, a younger lady.  She stares at me. I'm thinking she's just seeing what needs eyes_smto be done.  First thing out of her mouth "Why do you have no eyebrows in the middle?"  I smile.  " 'cause I'm not really into rocking the uni-brow", I think.  She says it again....."Why do you have no eyebrows in the middle?"  "What do you mean?" I say.  She begins to explain to me that I have over plucked them and that there is too much space in between my eyebrows.  Okay, I think.  I smile and nod and say "ok" when she is talking.  Maybe I have....Then she gets out a hand mirror and proceeds to give me the same speech with the additional "look......look" as I'm helplessly sitting the chair staring at myself in the mirror.  I half-smile and kinda nod and say "ok" when she is talking.

She lays me back down and starts to wax.  OUCH!  Oh boy....that hurt.  She must be taking off A LOT of brow!  She starts the other eye and the speech again.  Only this time she says..."I'm not trying to make you mad, but you look angry.  You have angry eyebrows"....more speech...the nice pedicure lady comes over and looks at me.  They speak for a minute in another language.   "You look angry.....want to make you look calmer...."

Now at this point, I just want out of the chair! It takes all of about 2 minutes to wax eyebrows and she's taking forever.....lecturing me....on and on about me looking angry and needing to look calmer.  I'm starting to FEEL angry now....maybe that's what she was seeing!

She plucked with tweezers and I'm so rattled at this point that I don't notice that she is drawing on me.  She hasn't stopped talking yet.  When she hands me the mirror, I notice.  She's drawn in eyebrows for me that go almost all the way across my forehead.  I look like a Munster! ;)  All I was thinking was this better come off because I have to go back to work!  I slink over to the counter. I hand her my debit card.  "No Cash?" the lady says loudly.  "No Cash?"  I can write you a check, I said.  "No.....no cash?....Next time cash" she says curtly.  "Yeah, right, next time," I think.

I walk out completely frazzled and lighter in the wallet.  Hard earned money spent to make me feel pretty has been spent and I feel like I've been in trouble.  I can feel my eyes start to well up.   These two ladies have been attacking me in loud, broken English and I have drawn-in MUNSTER EYEBROWS that apparently are more "calming" than my real angry eyebrows that I now have to live with.  I'm worn out!

...I have a haircut and finger nails to go...but I don't know if I have the strength and self-confidence to get through the appointments!

(By the way, I just got up and went to the bathroom.  She DID take off a lot of eyebrows!  Now I have little thin matchsticks.....ugh.....)

Comments

jenny said…
That is absolutely hillarious. The angry eyebrows comment makes me think of Toy Story when Mrs. Potato Head says, "I packed your angry eyes," to her spud spouse as he heads out the door. I can't believe they said that to you. I am glad you have it in writing!! You'll laugh really hard about it later. Save the rest of the pampering for your weekend in Dallas, you can glam it up guilt-free here!!

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